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| Joke Of The Day | |
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| Topic Started: Jan 15 2010, 09:55 PM (212 Views) | |
| SuperKrisNova | Jan 15 2010, 09:55 PM Post #1 |
Loyal Member
  ![]](http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a97/Stecnet/pip_g3.png)
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Tell A Joke And Wait For A Reaction here's Mine Man walks into Wal-Mart, slaps his circumsized cock down on the counter and says: Bet you can't Roll That Back. |
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| zzzzzzzuhlast | Jan 15 2010, 10:18 PM Post #2 |
Mercora's Purple Monkey
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(red neck love poem) <<<sorry will never get me to put poems on the poem section, ... Sorry ... Susie Lee Done Fell in love She planned to Marry Joe ....She told her Pappy so Pappy told her Susie Gal, You'll have to find another I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know, But Joe is yo' half Brother so Susie put aside Joe And Planned to marry Will But after telling Pappy this He said, 'There's trouble still! You can't marry Will, my Gal And please don't tell Yo' Mother But Will and Joe , and several Mo' I know is yo half brother. But Mama knew and said, my child, Just do what makes yo Happy Marry WQill or Marry Joe; You aint no kin to Pappy! 
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| StEC | Jan 16 2010, 09:11 PM Post #3 |
Gender Hudini Admin
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Hahahaha love the wal-mart one that cracked me up big time. Zzzzz reading that I just kept thinking about Dunville a hick town not far from me haha. |
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Twitter Tweet*My Facebook*My Tumblr*My LastFM | |
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| SuperKrisNova | Jan 16 2010, 09:51 PM Post #4 |
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There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!" |
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| zzzzzzzuhlast | Jan 17 2010, 04:08 AM Post #5 |
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Mercora's Purple Monkey
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 that was good!
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| centurion | Jan 17 2010, 09:10 AM Post #6 |
Trouble Maker
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THATS NOT BLOODY NICE POOR WOODMAN SUFFERS FROM THIS AND YOU ARE MOCKING HIM HENCE THE REASON HIS NICKNAME IS TWO STROKE. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU. DON'T WORRY WOODMAN I'LL STICK IT UP, OH SORRY STICK UP FOR YOU. |
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| SuperKrisNova | Jan 17 2010, 04:50 PM Post #7 |
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guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!" "Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then." |
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| Woodman | Jan 18 2010, 03:28 AM Post #8 |
Ladie's Admin aka HornDog
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You swore you would never tell anybody about that. It was a shame you had to be there! Thanks for spilling the beans................if you know what I mean. At least I get a chance to get it in before I finish.
Edited by Woodman, Jan 19 2010, 08:34 AM.
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Life is a waiting room, hope they don't call me soon..... <a href='http://www.arizonacustomwooddesigns.com' target='_blank'></a> | |
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| SuperKrisNova | Jan 19 2010, 02:17 AM Post #9 |
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A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem." She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are. He says "well, pussy and bitch". She says "Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy." He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning. Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she cant handle them. What are the words?" He tells him...pussy and bitch. Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pussy." "OK dad, so what's a bitch?" "Son" he says, "everything outside that circle." |
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| SuperKrisNova | Jan 19 2010, 09:20 PM Post #10 |
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Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70? Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69. |
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| Ojpj | Jan 20 2010, 08:14 AM Post #11 |
Gold Member
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Well it has finally happened, after all these years! We have revolved back to snickering over "pussy jokes" and references to "69" or "swoozonoof" for those of you who like to eat lunch during sex!     
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| SuperKrisNova | Jan 20 2010, 03:25 PM Post #12 |
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Why did dinosaurs have sex under water? You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet! |
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| StEC | Jan 20 2010, 07:45 PM Post #13 |
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Gender Hudini Admin
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Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk & asks for a condom. They ask "Shall we put it on your bill" he says "are u thucking thupid I'll thuffocate!" |
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Twitter Tweet*My Facebook*My Tumblr*My LastFM | |
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| SuperKrisNova | Jan 20 2010, 08:08 PM Post #14 |
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funny shit right there |
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| suikerbuik | Jan 22 2010, 06:51 AM Post #15 |
Loyal Member
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That sounds like the song Shame and Scandal: Woe is me Shame and scandal in the family In Trinidad there was a family With much confusion as you will see It was a mama and a papa and a boy who was grown He wanted to marry, have a wife of his own Found a young girl that suited him nice Went to his papa to ask his advice His papa said: "Son, I have to say no, This girl is your sister, but your mama don't know" Oh, woe is me Shame and scandal in the family A week went by and the summer came 'round Soon the best cook in the island he found He went to his papa to name the day His papa shook his head and to him did say "You Can't marry this girl, I have to say no This girl is your sister, but your mama don't know" Oh, woe is me Shame and scandal in the family He went to his mama and covered his head And told his mama what his papa had said His mama she laughed, she say, "Go man, go Your daddy ain't your daddy, but your daddy don't know." (deleted a little text... for all of it : http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/s/shameandscandalinthefamily.shtml |
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| centurion | Jan 22 2010, 04:57 PM Post #16 |
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Trouble Maker
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Guy gets out the shower and looks in the mirror, he sees his own reflection and gets an instant erection. He runs downstairs to tell his wife, and she says even your cock thinks you're a cunt.
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| SuperKrisNova | Jan 22 2010, 08:35 PM Post #17 |
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Loyal Member
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Why did god create Adam before he created eve? Because he didn’t want anyone telling him how to make Adam. |
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| zzzzzzzuhlast | Jan 23 2010, 02:33 AM Post #18 |
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Mercora's Purple Monkey
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lol some how I am glad I was not there at this party or outing! |
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| zzzzzzzuhlast | Jan 23 2010, 05:35 PM Post #19 |
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Mercora's Purple Monkey
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NEW MEXICO CHILI COOK OFF......... ....... If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in New Mexico , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL . Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in... I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3." Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILE Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the he!! is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy. CHILE # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILE Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chile. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer. CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC Judge # 1 -- Black bean chile with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chile. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT .. just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chile an aphrodisiac? CHILE # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chile. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chile using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chile had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them. CHILE # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chile. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt... with a snow cone. CHILE # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chile with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chile peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chile, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILE # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILE Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chile. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chile. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chile pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chile? Judge # 3 - No Report. |
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| zzzzzzzuhlast | Jan 25 2010, 07:04 PM Post #20 |
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Mercora's Purple Monkey
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What me again?......ok.... Subject: Morning sex She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. Stanley walked in, almost awake, she turned to him and said Softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!" Stan's eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming Or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then Gave it his all; right there on the kitchen, table. Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, Her T-shirt still around her neck.. Happy, but a little puzzled, Stan asked, "What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken." |
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